i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
