she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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