I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
