she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
