I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
