We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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