Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
