i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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