she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
