It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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