I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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