His hands were made for my vagina.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
