You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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