If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
no you cant smoke seaweed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
