I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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