guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
