So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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