shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
