I want to make a zoo with you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i've created a new STD.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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