awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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