I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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