apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just high enough for therapy.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
