I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize