i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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