dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
