Don't make out with my wife yet
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
