Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
