I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
