Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
