I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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