you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize