There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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