atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I won't apologize to a one balled man
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
