Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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