I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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