when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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