Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So vagazzling was a success
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
