my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize