there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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