If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
