Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
