now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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