Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
