im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
