so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
