sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
