that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
