respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
