Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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