One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
