At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
