Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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