i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
