I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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