haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
