Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
