a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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