My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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