STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Everything about him screamed your future.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
