Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry about my life...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
