She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
