well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
