I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
