but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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