We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
