Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
