I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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