The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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