he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize