I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
