Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The uberlube is also flammable
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
