call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
